10-14: PTSD and Relationships

[I consult and consider many sources in search of appropriate subject matter for this blog. Often I find material that is best left (mostly) untouched by me, e.g., today’s piece.]

No More Blogs about Trump

I will not write anything about Donald Trump until one of two things happen.

  1. He leaves the race.
  2. Election is over.

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Relationships

This article is dated, but I have never published it on this blog. It contains meat and potatoes stuff that is helpful to PTSD sufferers and those around them.

Site by PTSD Support Services, Woodland Park CO

Caveat: The information on this Web site is presented for educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for informed medical advice or training. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a mental health problem without consulting a qualified health or mental health care provider. All information contained on these pages is in the public domain … and may be copied and distributed without restriction…. For more information telephone us at (802) 296-5132 or send email to ptsd@dartmouth.edu.

Ttrauma survivors with PTSD often experience problems in their intimate and family relationships or close friendships. PTSD involves symptoms that interfere with trust, emotional closeness, communication, responsible assertiveness, and effective problem solving:

  • Loss of interest in social or sexual activities, and feeling distant from others, as well as feeling emotionally numb. Partners, friends, or family members may feel hurt, alienated, or discouraged, and then become angry or distant toward the survivor.
  • Feeling irritable, on-guard, easily startled, worried, or anxious may lead survivors to be unable to relax, socialize, or be intimate without being tense or demanding. Significant others may feel pressured, tense, and controlled as a result.
  • Difficulty falling or staying asleep and severe nightmares prevent both the survivor and partner from sleeping restfully, and may make sleeping together difficult.
  • Trauma memories, trauma reminders or flashbacks, and the attempt to avoid such memories or reminders, can make living with a survivor feel like living in a war zone or living in constant threat of vague but terrible danger. Living with an individual who has PTSD does not automatically cause PTSD; but it can produce “vicarious” or “secondary” traumatization, which is almost like having PTSD.
  • Reliving trauma memories, avoiding trauma reminders, and struggling with fear and anger greatly interferes with survivors’ abilities to concentrate, listen carefully, and make cooperative decisions — so problems often go unresolved for a long time. Significant others may come to feel that dialogue and teamwork are impossible.

Survivors of childhood sexual and physical abuse, rape, domestic violence, combat, or terrorism, genocide, torture, kidnapping or being a prisoner of war, often report feeling a lasting sense of terror, horror, vulnerability and betrayal that interferes with relationships:

  • Feeling close, trusting, and emotionally or sexually intimate may seem a dangerous “letting down of my guard” because of past traumas — although the survivor often actually feels a strong bond of love or friendship in current healthy relationships.
  • Having been victimized and exposed to rage and violence, survivors often struggle with intense anger and impulses that usually are suppressed by avoiding closeness or by adopting an attitude of criticism or dissatisfaction with loved ones and friends. Intimate relationships may have episodes of verbal or physical violence.
  • Survivors may be overly dependent upon or overprotective of partners, family members, friends, or support persons (such as healthcare providers or therapists).
  • Alcohol abuse and substance addiction — as an attempt to cope with PTSD — can destroy intimacy or friendships

In the first weeks and months following the traumatic event, survivors of disasters, terrible accidents or illnesses, or community violence often feel an unexpected sense of anger, detachment, or anxiety in intimate, family, and friendship relationships. Most are able to resume their prior level of intimacy and involvement in relationships, but the 5-10% who develop PTSD often experience lasting problems with relatedness and intimacy….

SUGGESTED READINGS

  • Patience Mason, Recovering from the War: A Woman’s Guide to Helping Your Vietnam Vet, Your Family, and Yourself (Viking, 1990, ISBN 0-670-81587- X; Penguin, 1990, ISBN 0-14-009912-3)
  • Aphrodite Matsakis, Vietnam Wives: Facing the Challenges of Life with Veterans Suffering Post Traumatic Stress (Sidran Press, 1996, ISBN 1-886968- 00-4)

 

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